My life instantly went from normal to abnormal in the year 2005. Without knowing the exact reason, I was flying overseas to a country called Canada. It was exciting at first because it felt like a family trip. When we arrived at the airport, my great uncle was waiting by the gates to welcome us. It was my first time meeting him, but seeing my mom running to his arms for a big hug, I knew he was family. A few days later, my parents have begun working at his restaurant and I was getting ready for school. I was only six years old. I would be lying if I said I can remember everything. However, I can’t forget the emotions I felt on my first day of school in Canada.
The classroom was filled with colorful crafts and warm-toned furniture, but I was frozen cold. A stranger had me join a circle of children and introduced me to the class. When I looked around, I felt as if I was put into a book while I solely stood out because of a different font compared to all other writings. I was the only normal one out of all other children that looked like the barbie dolls I had at home. I had only seen blond hair and blue eyes in picture books or on television. Being focused on all the foreign things within the classroom, I felt as if I entered the wrong room. The vivid memory of my first day of school ends here because my mom came to pick me up right after I burst into tears and couldn’t stop.
It took time for me to realize that we are all different. There were boys and girls with blond hair and blue eyes, but there were also boys and girls with black hair like me. I remember speaking my native language to an Asian boy thinking that he was Korean. Again, realizing that not all Asians are Korean, I knew I was going to have to learn this language they use here.
From here on, my memory is put on fast-forward. I slowly learned how to communicate by saying “Hi” and “My name is Esther”. This name Esther was the name my mom chose for me when I went to an after-school English academy in Korea. I knew all the alphabets and some simple words like “dog” and “happy”, but that didn’t help me understand what the teacher was saying at all. While playing with my classmates, I was naturally learning how to communicate. Grammar was the problem. I started using the words I knew and the ones I learned to express what I needed, however, creating full sentences with correct grammar took a long time. Looking back to my writings from elementary school, my grammar was all wrong up until about grade 6. I can say this now that my grammar improved drastically after moving to Kamloops because I always tried to play with Asian friends through my first few years in Vancouver and they also didn’t have perfect grammar. When I moved to Kamloops in 2008, there were visibly fewer Asians than in Vancouver. Even if some of them had facial features of an Asian, they were mostly born here. Without a choice, I started to involve myself with the whole community. This is when my grammar started to improve as I made new friends with natural perfect grammar while learning to speak by imitating their phrases. Without a doubt, I’ve had to work harder than others to learn English by memorizing vocabularies at home and getting extra help to complete homework, but things like watching television shows and talking to friends were very helpful in allowing me to pick up the language. I am also thankful that I was able to start learning at a young age because I know how much pronunciation can be affected by the age of when you start speaking that language. My brother who is two years older than me still cannot pronounce the [th] sound as a native speaker would, whereas, I was able to produce the sound instantly.
My journey so far has been focused on language however, I have many things I could share about the cultural aspects of moving to a new country. These experiences would also describe my identity as to how I became who I am today. I have very similar facial features as my dad and have similar personality as my mom and yet, my mindset is very different from them. They grew up in Korea where many families highly value status, hierarchy, and obedience. Growing under my parents who have been raised that way, I also came to naturally think the same way in some respects. For example, getting good grades, graduating from a high-status university, and getting one of the highest-paying jobs is what they desire from their children. My parents were never forceful but watching them work in a low-quality environment with physical labor naturally coerced me to think that I have to become what they want me to be. Up until a few years ago, I used to think this was normal. I came to realize that many people my age do not think the same. I’ve heard friends say, “It’s my life, I’m going to do what I want. My parents don’t have the right to tell me what to do”. I used to think they were being selfish because our parents are the ones that work all day to feed us and educate us, why would we not do for them what they want? Of course, I’ve come to realize that all parents want is for the best of their children no matter what they do. Something I learned out of this realization is that everyone holds different values depending on their background and culture, but most importantly, their lived experiences. I believe that it is crucial to see a student and treat them equally as a unique individual because biased opinions about specific nationality and culture can be very hurtful at times. It is important to be aware of the values and beliefs that certain cultures prioritize, however, as a language instructor or a teacher, we must see the student outside of the frame and focus on learning their strengths to support their learning.
The beliefs I hold are a mix of my parent’s background and the contrasting ideas that have been acknowledged through interacting with my friends. There are some things that I have come to believe in through agreeing with my peers that my parents don’t think is appropriate and there are other things that I have come to think the same way as my parents and cannot gain sympathy from peers my age. Being the way I am, I view the world and the people around me with an open eye. I used to think that I was abnormal being a mix of two cultures, not knowing who I am. I used to believe my normal life was forcefully changed to a strange one. However, I know now that we all live through our experiences to create our full and whole identity. When I become a language instructor or a teacher, I will be sure of one thing. To respect and acknowledge all students’ beliefs as we are not trying to assimilate them into our culture, but to have them proudly bring in their culture and share their values. Through keeping this in mind, I hope to create a classroom where everyone sits on equal levels to be open to learning from each other.